6 Tips for Preparing for Conflict

While some people may try, conflict is unavoidable in life. We are not meant to see the world the exact same way as everyone else, and just mild differences in perspective can cause conflict. Unfortunately a lot of people have experienced conflict which has been harmful which makes them want to avoid it all together or to go into the conflict swinging. Here are a few tips to help you prepare to have more productive conflict.

1. Identify the problem. Hint: if the first thing that comes to mind was another person, ask yourself a few more questions too narrow this down. What about the other’s person’s behavior is a problem? Are they frequently late? They owe you money? Don’t have as much time for you? The goal is not to put down or shame the other person and by focusing on a problem that is not the other person, you can position yourself where you can join together to potentially solve the problem. 

2. Identify the impact. For example, if they are late to come watch the kids, that means you are late to work, and are in danger of potentially loosing your job.

3. Identify how this makes you feel. For example: If I was frequently late to work, I might feel afraid of loosing my job. 

4. Ask yourself, “Can I let this go without a conversation about it?” Alternative questions may be “Does this need to be said?” “By me?” “When?” Not all conflicts have to be addressed. Small disagreements might be worth letting go, but if you are still thinking about the conflict in a week or will hold resentment if it isn’t addressed, then no, you have not let it go and may need to have a conversation. 

5. Consider the best time and place. This will vary based on the circumstances and the relationship. Often conversations may be better in private. If there are safety concerns, consider whether a phone call or a quiet public location might be a safer option. 

6. Reflect on past conflicts and learn. What worked about these conversations? What could have gone better? What went wrong?  What do you wish you could have said better? The goal is not to beat yourself up, but to reflect and learn.