3 Tips for Managing Holiday Family Stress

While holidays can be magical for some people, for others they can bring up a lot of stress. While it can be amazing to see family members we miss, it can also bring up a lot of old feelings and triggers us in ways we do not normally feel. Here are a couple tips to keep in mind to help you navigate this holiday season:

1. Remember: You can only control you. When I share this with people, I usually get some response like, “but you don’t understand, they know how to push my buttons.” This might not be wrong, family members know us well and know what makes us tick. They really might know how to push our buttons, but just because they push does not mean that we have to jump. I like to pretend I have a red crisis button with a clear case on top. I control if I allow the button to get pushed. They can attempt to push, but ultimately, I control me and how I respond.

2. Remember: You are allowed to grow and change. Development is across the lifespan and it is normal to grow and change. Often this means, we have to renegotiate relationships. This sometimes means uncomfortable conversations, but this can be a good thing that leads to stronger relationships. You do not have to fall into old patterns just to make others happy.

3. Think about what you are comfortable with before you meet up with your relatives. Are there any conversations you do not want to engage in? Topics that are off limits for you. Do you need to have your own transportation? Hotel room? Special food? There is a lot of talk about setting boundaries, but boundaries are hard to set and respectfully communicate when we do not know what we are comfortable with.